Im starting to get used to being overwhelmed. Im not sure if thats a good thing or not. I feel sometimes that twenty four hours is really ten. I feel overwhelmed with trying to explain why I am even overwhelmed right now! Figure that one out.
I did have one of those surreal moments that come every once in a blue moon this last Tuesday. I had just finished my chemistry lab, turning in a lab report sixteen pages long wondering why I was required to spend sixteen hours outside of classroom time to do homework for a one credit course and was ready to collapse mentally. I walked outside and looked up at the night. I think I let myself stop and just focus for the first time in two or three weeks because I felt calmed down. I felt watched over.
I never know what to write in this thing. I feel like my life is pretty routine. Monday through Thursday school for twenty five hours and who knows how much homework. Friday, try to get chores done and spend a few hours with my even harder working wife who I get to see every night before we go to bed during the week. Saturday work. Sunday church and try to get ready for Monday. Thats pretty much it.
I am excited to start my externship, very worried too. I don't know why. I think its just the fear of the unknown. I vomited the first night of every new area I was assigned to in my mission. Even at twenty months out. I wasn't worried about my skill or ability, I really couldn't pinpoint a specific reason why I would work myself up so much. I had a ward mission leader once who was from mesa. He was an awesome example, and one of the few people I think of as a key influence in my life. He told me once that when I was on my own with my own family and had my own responsibilities as a father and or husband that there would be nights when I would lay sleepless in bed with a head full of worries. He said I would get up and go to a room where I would be by myself, kneel down and beg for some kind of relief. I think I've done that at least a couple times since. I know it works because I'm still here and our bills are still getting paid.
I know this is a completely random post. I don't have much to say I thought I could just get my thoughts out before I went to bed. I hoped it would help me go to sleep. '